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Oct. 15th, 2003 10:43 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amfiguree[Het] [N'sync] [PG-13]
Steal My Heart
(Meanwhile, At Jive.)
“What is the meaning of this, JC?” Taylor tried not to yell, but it was too difficult. He slammed something onto the table in front of him and took a deep breath. JC stood on the opposite side of the table and Taylor had to resist the urge to strangle him. But it was tempting. Almost too tempting.
JC crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t understand why the hell you’re yelling at me, Taylor. These photos weren’t printed so I don’t see what the big deal is. We screw up sometimes and if the photographer or Jive isn’t satisfied because of some stupid photographs, what do you want me to do about it?”
Taylor tapped his foot against the floor impatiently. “JC, please don’t try my patience. Lately the rumors have just been flying about you guys. I have a hard time keeping your records clean as it is and now this? If I hadn’t seen these, that bloody reporter would have had them plastered on the front page covers of every known magazine and newspaper right now!”
“Taylor, it’s your job to keep our records clean. It’s what you’re paid to do. I’ve just had a full day of recording and I’m not exactly in the mood to waste my time or breath arguing over some freaking PHOTOGRAPHS with you! Tell me why the heck you called me here when I should be home resting like the others!”
“It may be my job to keep your records clean, JC, but it’s also your duty to make sure you don’t blow this up on purpose! What were you thinking?” Taylor was fuming. Who does he think he is? I’m can’t cover his ass on everything. When will these bloody singers learn to grow up and get a life?
“What was I thinking? Dammit Taylor! I don’t know. How’s that for an answer? Maybe I was thinking of goats or cows! You know what? It doesn’t matter what I was thinking and I don’t really care! I don’t have to report to you and you don’t have any pull on me. We get along fine as long as you don’t scream your head off at me when I don’t know what I’ve done! They’re a few lousy shots but you don’t have to get all hysterical! Hell, we’re human too! We can make mistakes you know!” JC was seething with anger. Like he said, he’d been recording the whole day, he was tired, his voice was almost hoarse and he felt totally burnt and worn out. He was in no mood to get into a verbal war with anyone, especially Taylor, but he was pissed and Taylor was being unreasonable.
I didn’t do anything. When has it become his business whether we shoot lousy pictures or not? JC glared at Taylor before sighing and scrubbing his hand over his face. There were dark eye bags under his eyes and he hadn’t slept well for days. The fans were anxiously waiting for the release of the next album and he didn’t want to disappoint them. He knew that after they released the album they would have to go on tour and the mere thought of it drained him of even more energy he couldn’t afford to spend.
It wasn’t only the album that was driving him insane. Naomi was also part of the problem. He missed her like crazy and he had seen her a few hours ago. She hadn’t talked to him, only curtly addressed him when she had to. JC hated it. She was trying to block him out of her life so she wouldn’t be hurt even more than she already was. He had worried about it ever since he and Alyssa hooked up. He knew that he wouldn’t be spending as much time as he would like to with Naomi but the way she had withdrawn herself from him scared him badly.
Naomi was eating away at his sanity and JC felt like screaming or hitting something. At that moment, Taylor was a tempting choice. With everything spinning out of control as it was, JC had every reason in the world to feel annoyed at Taylor. Half an hour ago, Taylor had forced him to stay behind while the rest left Jive. Then Taylor had forced JC into the office, slammed the door shut and ranted about some stupid photographs like a madman. JC was close to tearing his hair out and the room suddenly seemed to be closing in on him.
JC shook his head violently to clear his thoughts. He narrowed his eyes and slammed his fists on the table. “Look Taylor, I’m exhausted and I want to go home. If there’s nothing else, then I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me.”
“Unfortunately JC, I can’t let you leave until you explain this to me. That reporter is going to have cooked up something about these photographs by tomorrow and unless you tell me what to say I’m going to keep you here, even if it takes me the whole night.”
“I don’t give a damn what you say. Just say it! Say we were feeling lousy, say I was sick, say we’re HUMAN and we make some bloody MISTAKES once in a while too! I don’t care! You can even say that was an alien disguised as me for all I care, Taylor! For heaven’s sake, just let me go home!”
Taylor narrowed his eyes, “Oh, don’t you use that tone on me, JC. Why don’t you stop hating the world for one second and take a look at yourself? You don’t care what you’re doing, you expect us to keep saving your ass... well, I can’t do anything about it if you choose to burn yourself. If you want to destroy your career, go right ahead.”
“What?” JC almost laughed, “Destroy my career? Why would I do that? These are photographs, Taylor. They don’t bite and they’re not classified under wild beasts if you haven’t noticed. Can you at least tell me what I’ve done instead of making me play mind games with you? I’m tired and I’ll be damned if I actually stand here and let you insult me when I don’t know what the hell is going on!”
JC was breathing heavily and his head was beginning to spin. His vision blurred for a second before he gave himself a mental shake and focused on what was going on again. Taylor noticed that JC didn’t look very good. He sighed and sat down. “Fine,” he said, motioning to JC to take a seat as well.
JC fell onto the seat and buried his head in his hands for a few seconds before looking back at Taylor with bloodshot eyes. Taylor was shocked to see JC almost breaking down. He stared at JC as the man rubbed his temples tiredly. “Okay, JC, here’s the deal. Look at these photos and tell me what you see.”
JC grabbed the photos and peered at them. It was the photo of him and Naomi as well as the one of Lance and Alyssa. He stared curiously at them for a few seconds then turned to Taylor accusingly. “These are beautiful. What’s the problem with them?”
“That’s the problem,” Taylor told JC. “They’re too beautiful. Look at you. The two of you are so obviously in love! And what about this one? Lance and Alyssa! Would you look at them? They are practically screaming for each other! What’s the meaning of this, JC? How do I cover it up? I can’t keep saving your ass if you’re not at least a bit more careful with your display of emotion!”
JC stared at the pictures, transfixed. Taylor’s right, he realized. Oh my god. What have we been doing?
JC gaped at the picture of Lance and Alyssa. Lance was standing behind Alyssa and he was leaning against the tree with his arms slung casually around Alyssa’s neck. Alyssa was giggling and her head was leaning against Lance’s chest. The clouds in the sky were beautiful and the sun was shining brightly but the tree shaded the both of them. The corners of JC’s mouth twitched as he put the picture down.
He almost gasped when he saw the picture of himself and Naomi again. It was taken under a willow tree and he had been sitting on the grass, with his back leaning against the tree trunk. Naomi’s head was resting on his thighs and she was lying on the grass with one leg propped up. His hands were stroking her hair absently and her hands were rubbing his legs comfortingly. They were smiling and laughing at each other and it only took one look to know that they were in love. It was too obvious to hide.
JC swallowed and put the picture on the table. He closed his eyes as his head throbbed and his heart raced. Taylor reached forward to take the photos but JC slammed his hands over them immediately. His confused, angry eyes met Taylor’s and he cleared his throat. “Thank you for showing me the photos Taylor. But the reporters don’t have any proof without these. And the fans don’t know who Naomi is... for now. I need to keep these. There’s something I have to do. I... why didn’t you call Lance along too?”
Taylor couldn’t help smiling at JC’s question. “I had a hunch that he had a date tonight. I thought he was going out with Alyssa so I let him leave. There isn’t much a young man can do if his mind is wondering off somewhere. Or with someone.” Taylor’s sharp eyes took in JC’s stifled yawn and tired expression. “All right, off you go. But if this ever happens again, we’re going to have another talk.”
JC nodded and practically ran out of the office. He dashed to his Jeep and hopped in quickly. His head was pounding as he tried to grasp what was happening. He leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes and listened to his own ragged breathing. It had all become incredibly clear as soon as he had set eyes on the picture.
JC knew there and then that he loved Naomi. They had been too stupid to look past the friendship they had shared because they were contented as they were and they had had their fears and worries about getting into a relationship. It was Alyssa and Lance that had clouded his judgment. Alyssa coming on like she was interested in him and Lance thinking that he liked Naomi. It was all painfully clear now. JC knew that he had to talk to Alyssa and explain everything to her. Then it would be time for him to speak with Naomi. And hopefully, things would all work out for the best.
Fatigued as he was, JC stepped on the accelerator and raced in the direction of Naomi’s house. He could see her in his mind’s eye and when he slowed down at the traffic junction, he closed his eyes and finally allowed himself to lose himself in the sensation that the mere thought of her brought him. He could see Naomi’s sparkling blue eyes vividly as if he was staring into them at that moment, her features were all implanted deeply in his mind. Her laughter, her tears, her anger, her sarcasm, her childishness, her innocence... every bit of her was locked securely in his mind. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
JC’s eye popped open when he heard the sound of a horn behind him. “Great,” he muttered as he waved an apology to the car behind him. He shifted gears and roared off. JC smiled when he remembered Naomi’s excitement and laughter as she twirled in front of him in the white dress he had bought for her. JC sighed and licked his lips. If only we had kissed at the beach that night... every thing would have been fine by now.
JC rubbed his hand over his neck and groaned. “I swear I’m gonna take a long rest after this is all over. I am NOT going out to any club for at least one week. And I’m just going to relax, relax, relax... did I say relax?” JC giggled when he realized there was no one else in the car to listen to his ranting. “I’m talking to myself. The next thing you know I’m going to start hallucinating and... um, I don’t know what.” His eyes widened when he realized he was still talking to himself. “All right, this is getting freaky. Okay, I’m just gonna shut up now.”
He exhaled loudly and rubbed a hand down his face. He slapped himself on the cheeks and tried not to fall asleep. He shook himself mentally and smiled with relief when ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole played over the radio. He remembered the time Naomi was four and had listened, intrigued, as he sang the beautiful song to her. The lyrics had held so much meaning for them both. In his mind’s eye he could picture vividly Naomi staring at him, completely transfixed on the words that he was singing.
“Unforgettable, that’s what you are. Unforgettable, though near or far. Like a song of love that clings to me; how the thought of you does things to me... Never before has someone been more... Unforgettable, in every way, and forever more, that's how you'll stay. That's why darling, it's incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too. No, never before has someone been more… unforgettable in every way, and forever more that's how you'll stay. That's why darling, it's incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too...”
Naomi stared at JC, her pale blue eyes never leaving his face. As young as she was, she could vaguely understand what JC had been singing. She had never heard something that meant as much to her as his song did. Her hands grabbed his and she squeezed them tightly. JC smiled down at her and asked, “Did you like that?”
Naomi nodded fervently. Then she grinned, “But you sound like a girl when you sing. The man who sings it sounds much better than you do.”
JC frowned but there was a twinkle in his eyes, “Oh yeah? You wait... one day I’ll have a really, really great voice and I’ll make you pay for ever saying that to me. And then you’ll have to beg for my signature.”
Naomi laughed then and held out a clean sheet of paper and a pen, “All right Chase. You sign something for me right here and when you’re famous I’ll be able to prove I knew you when we were kids.”
“Uh-uh,” JC’s eyes lit up when he heard her words. He knew she believed in him and that she never doubted him, no matter what. Regardless of the situation, she would take his side as long as she felt he was doing the right thing. If what he was doing didn’t seem right, she would go all out to guide him back the right way, but other than that she believed in him more than even his parents did. She knew, without a doubt, that he could achieve as long as he believed in himself. And he was touched and grateful for her undying trust and confidence in him. But he shook his head playfully. “No way!”
Naomi pouted, “Why not?” she asked.
“Because they’d think you were my girlfriend!”
“So?”
JC stared at Naomi, amazed. “So? So... well... I, uh, I... you know, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea!”
Naomi shrugged, “Why do you care what they think? I don’t. The Chase I know doesn’t. He’d just sign anyway because it means a lot to me.”
JC smiled, and tapped his foot against the floor, contemplating his next move. “Well... let me think about it.”
Naomi sighed and put the paper down. “Why won’t you let them think what they want? If it’s not true then it doesn’t matter! You’re not going to get a girlfriend anyway, right? Why would you want to get a girl to hug and be mushy with and waste money over and - ugh! - KISS!?”
JC smiled, “I might get a girlfriend. Then again, I might not. I don’t know if kissing is disgusting. I’ve never tried it before.” He closed his eyes and his smile turned dreamy. “Anyway, I want a funny girlfriend who I can trust and love. And she’s gotta be really pretty too.” Naomi tilted her head and looked at him funnily. JC grinned at her and ruffled her hair. “She’s gotta be as pretty as you. And as smart as you. And as funny as you. And as cute as you. And as silly as you. And... and...”
Naomi laughed, “And I might as well make a clone of myself for you.”
JC’s look turned thoughtful, “That wouldn’t be as nice as the real copy.”
Naomi giggled before saying pensively, “Chase... let’s make a fair swap. You give me that signature and I’ll give you a kiss. Then at least you’ll know if the real copy is nice or not. And you’ll know what a kiss feels like.”
JC’s eyes widened in an expression of disbelief, “Really?”
Naomi shrugged, “Why not?”
JC giggled, “I bet you wouldn’t dare.”
Naomi narrowed her eyes, “I would so.”
“Would not!”
“Would so!”
“Not!”
“Would!”
“NOT!” JC yelled and ran off, laughing. Naomi jumped up and chased him around the field like they used to in the past. JC felt a twinge of sadness when he heard Naomi’s laughter behind him. It had been half a year since they had last ran around playing together and that was something he had sorely missed. Elementary school had its pluses but he felt lonely without Naomi around.
Finally, Naomi pounced on his back and brought JC to the ground. There was a struggle but JC finally managed to break free long enough to turn around and look up at Naomi. She giggled and sat down on his stomach to make sure he wouldn’t run away. She leaned forward and rubbed the mud off of his cheek. JC grinned and Naomi tried to remember why she had chased him in the first place.
Light dawned on her and Naomi wasn’t pleased by the cocky smirk on JC’s face. She stared indignantly at him for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, leaning forward and kissing JC softly on the lips. She struggled not to roll off of his stomach as she stretched forward but her young body wasn’t long enough.
JC’s mind was racing. He was too young to understand the feelings racing through his mind and he was confused. He was shocked... but he was also enjoying it.
Naomi’s lips pressed harder, almost roughly, against JC’s for a moment as she lurched forward before falling off of him in a laughing heap. JC’s eyes were wide and shocked, his lips were pink and slightly swollen as he lay staring at the sky for a few stunned seconds. He couldn’t grasp the situation or fully understand what had happened. Finally, he rolled on his side and watched as Naomi’s body shook violently with laughter.
She finally lifted her face from the grass and JC smiled when he saw the muddy patch on her forehead. Naomi giggled, “You looked so funny, Chase. That surprised look. And I told you I would so dare to kiss you!”
JC’s eyes twinkled with amusement. The kiss they had shared was purely an innocent act. He grinned and rubbed his face with his sleeve before rubbing the mud off of Naomi’s forehead. “All right! You win! Let’s go and I’ll sign that piece of paper!”
Naomi bounded up happily and ran to get the paper. JC took it from her and thought of something to write as she pulled up a few strands of tall grass and made them into braids. JC watched in fascination as her small fingers nimbly folded the grass into an intricate pattern. He smiled when she held two grass braids up and dangled them in his face. “Come on, I’ve finished TWO and you haven’t written ONE word!”
JC giggled and nodded. “Hmm...” he bit the pen thoughtfully and finally grinned. He took the pen out of his mouth and scribbled, ‘Deerez Naomi, you are not faymos as me but for alwayz I will be yur biggez fan. Lotsa love, Chase.’ Then, at the bottom, he signed JC Chasez in his sloppy handwriting.
Naomi grinned widely when she read the badly spelt message. She grinned and stuck both grass braids on the paper. She kissed one of them and forced JC to kiss the other one. Then she giggled and hugged it to her chest. “I will keep this forever!”
JC laughed at the memory but then sobered up. He broke out of his trail of thoughts as he pulled up outside Naomi’s house. There was a ghost of a smile on his face and he couldn’t resist running his finger over and over his lips before getting out of the car and locking it. He remembered the way Naomi’s lips had pressed gently on his before the pressure increased because of the movement of her body. He closed his eyes and licked his lips before he finally concentrated on the important task at hand.
“It’ll work out. It has to. When Alyssa sees this, she’ll realize everything is wrong. She’ll realize that... that this is impossible. And... like me, she’ll realize she loves Lance. It’s LANCE in her heart, not me. Just like it was Naomi in my heart all along. She has to get it. She just has to.” JC gave himself a pep talk as he ran towards the door, hoping he wouldn’t lose his nerve. He had a lot to tell Alyssa and he hoped she wouldn’t take it the wrong way. He prayed fervently that she would realize her love was directed at Lance and not him.
JC pressed the doorbell as soon as he could reach it. Nervously, he hopped from one foot to another - a rare act for JC Chasez - and pressed it again. Alyssa opened the door on the second ring and JC sighed with relief. She brightened visibly as soon as she saw him and tip-toed, expecting a kiss on the cheek of some sort.
But JC surprised her by clearing his throat nervously and walking into the house without being asked. Alyssa stared at him in astonishment but she didn’t question him. She just bit her lip and followed him into the living room. James was washing the dishes and didn’t come out of the kitchen. “Um...”
“Did you want to see me, sweetie? What’s wrong?”
“I... uh...” JC bit his lip. Now that he was actually standing there... she was actually standing in front of him, listening eagerly to all he had to say... he couldn’t find the words. They stuck in his throat and no matter what he did, they just didn’t seem to be able to come out right. His eyes wandered nervously around the room, sliding from the sofa to the television set, virtually anything as long as he didn’t have to look at Alyssa’s questioning stare. He couldn’t face her... not with the present situation as it was.
Alyssa watched him anxiously. What’s wrong with him? Is he sick? He looks so... burnt out. He needs to rest. Maybe I should make him go to bed... she looked at him in concern. “JC, it’s only me. What’s wrong, sweetheart? You look tired. Why don’t you stay here for the night? I’m sure Naomi won’t mind and-”
“No!” JC protested, shaking his head vehemently. “As tempting as it sounds, I can’t get any peaceful sleep right now. Maybe later. But right now, I just...” JC swallowed nervously as he forced the words out. “Alyssa, there’s something you need to see. I’m sorry this is so abrupt but I had to show it to you tonight. I’ll leave right after I’m done.”
Alyssa nodded slowly and sat down. She sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her. But JC surprised her for the second time that night by sliding into the seat across her. “Uh, I’m not sure how you’re going to react but-”
“Don’t look so worried, JC. It can’t be all that bad,” Alyssa forced a smile but her stomach was churning. JC hardly looked worried or stressed but he was looking both those things and she was anxious about him. She bit her lip as she took in his tired, worn out expression. He was frowning in a weary way, as though his every action was draining him of his energy. And by the looks of it, he didn’t have much energy left.
She shook her head as he rummaged through his backpack. She knew he needed more sleep and she couldn’t help feeling resentment towards Jive for working the guys so hard. She knew they, especially JC, were perfectionists, and they would never leave a song alone unless it was at it’s peak and they believed it was perfect. Alyssa’s mind snapped back to the devitalized expression Lance had worn the whole day. Although he kept insisting he was fine, Alyssa knew better. She just wished they would take better care of themselves.
JC finally found what he was looking for and slowly, he pulled the photographs out of his bag. His badly shaking fingers lay them on the table and Alyssa gasped. She took in the love struck expression on each of their faces and her eyes widened in wonder. She stroked a thumb over her own face, Lance’s face, and then JC and Naomi’s faces. Her lips were trembling and JC thought she was going to cry. Instead, she smiled ruefully.
JC licked his lips and started talking when he saw her expression, “I suppose... Naomi and I... the friendship we shared... it was so strong and the bond we shared was so special that... that...” JC’s voice trailed off as he struggled to find the words to say. Nothing was coming to him. He had always prided himself on being able to handle any situation calmly and wittily. He was the rock of the group, the father figure, the level-headed guy; but in this case... he was dumbfounded. For the first time, JC Chasez found himself at a loss for words.
Then again, there were no words that could express the feelings that those photographs had evoked him. The way his heart had raced as soon as he had imagined Naomi’s pale blue eyes looking slyly at him, the way he blushed when he thought of the feel of her lips against his; the way adrenaline coursed through his body the second he thought of her and Lance alone in the park, the way his head seemed to be spinning when he felt Naomi’s gentle touch; the way he smiled when he thought of how they were always so blunt and honest with each other, the way he had been able to sleep like a baby just knowing that Naomi was going to be there with him the next day...
JC took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes and spoke again. But this time, the words flowed easily and freely from his mouth. He didn’t think about what he should say; he let his heart do the talking. Just like Justin had said - he was going for it with all that he possessed and he was going to start letting his heart lead him for a while.
Alyssa sat quietly, watching JC. She smiled gently when she saw the flickering emotions his face sometimes displayed. She sighed softly when he closed his eyes and she felt herself calming down. While her initial reaction to the photographs had indeed been shock and amazement, there was also a small part in her that was laughing and screaming for joy. She had known subconsciously all along that she was in love with Lance and JC was just someone who had intrigued and mesmerized her. Now that everything was clear, painfully so, she felt as though there had been a weight lifted off of her shoulders. There was nothing left to stop her from showing her feelings for Lance... no reason to hide anymore.
A smile crept onto Alyssa’s face when she thought of that. Her head spun and when she looked up again JC was just opening his mouth to speak. Except now... he looked relieved, and although not totally confident, he was feeling more relaxed about talking. He didn’t look worried and even some of his tiredness seemed to have been washed away.
“JC,” she interrupted, before he could say another word. “I want to let you know that you don’t owe me any explanations. I knew it in my heart and the back of my mind that Lance was the one for me all along. It’s just... he was so wrapped up in Naomi that... I guess I, you know, kinda lost it. I just...”
JC smiled anxiously and held up a hand to stop her, “You don’t owe me an explanation either, Alyssa. This isn’t a confession session or anything, okay? Let’s just... talk. I’ve been needing to do that for a while.”
Alyssa grinned, “Why not?”
JC smiled. “You go first.”
“Well, I’ve always liked Lance. From the day I heard his voice I was just... I don’t know... how do you describe this feeling? It’s just... there’s no words for it. I was filled with admiration when I heard your songs. They were beautiful. You guys... you guys have talent. You’re not just good-looking wannabes... you are. You’ve made your mark through sheer hard work and because you always had it in you. There’s no way talent like that can be hidden. And I was hooked. From the day I first heard you all sing, I was... I was a goner. And Lance... the way he acted and sang and because he was LANCE, I fell for him.”
Alyssa took a deep breath and spoke, “But the day we got the chance to see you and maybe work for you, I knew that Lance liked Naomi. Well... I thought he did. What made it seem that way, JC? Why did he feel so attracted to Naomi if it’s true what these photos show, and he was in love with me?”
JC smiled and patted her shoulder comfortingly, “Sometimes guys are a bit fickle. We want to try out every possible solution before choosing one.”
Alyssa smiled regretfully, “Kinda like the way you channel surf, huh?”
JC laughed, “Yeah... hey, I never thought of it that way.”
Alyssa shook her head, “Well... I was attracted to you. There was this pull that made me want to know you. You’re handsome and sweet and we flirted and it felt right... for a while. Just now, James said that you and Naomi looked really beautiful together. And although I reacted angrily towards his statement... it was because I felt that he was right. And I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted things to stay the way they were. Because I wouldn’t get hurt and on the surface it was all right. It was perfect. But inside... inside there was turmoil.”
Alyssa hung her head and tears formed in her eyes, “I just wanted to believe that everything was all right. That we would be happy together. I tried... I really tried to make myself love you... but Lance overruled everything. I just... I couldn’t help it. I know it sounds bad and I want to slap myself for sounding like this grade-A bitch, but it’s just... things happen and feelings can’t be forced. I’m sorry.”
JC got on one knee in front of her, put his hand under her chin and lifted her face so he could look into her eyes. He smiled and gently wiped a tear away with his thumb, “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you understand why this is happening and I’m glad you know how you feel. I should be going back now. I’m tired, you’re tired and we need our rest.”
Alyssa shook her head and rested her hand on his shoulder, “We said we would talk, JC. I want to hear what you have to say. Tell me. TALK to me. You’ll feel so much better getting it off of your chest.”
JC sighed and sat down on the couch, “I really don’t know what to say to you or how to explain any of this. I mean... how do I put into words these feelings inside of me? I can’t... they’re indescribable. It’s like, Naomi and I... we were too wrapped up in our friendship to see the possibility of any other kind of relationship. I was... afraid, I guess. I didn’t want to lose her and if I took our relationship to another level... I thought, maybe, I’d lose her. I couldn’t risk that. We had gone through too much to be separated because of this. It just seemed too ridiculous to even consider. She was my sister, my friend, my confidante... but now, I don’t know anymore. These pictures... they show everything.”
JC took a deep breath and broke off. Alyssa looked at him and, as if she could see through him, she watched as the conflict inside of him went out of control. JC was struggling to stay composed, but she could see the bewildered, frightened, tortured soul inside fighting to get free. She held on to his hand and kissed the back of it. “It’s okay to cry, JC. I know you’re scared and worried and you don’t know what the hell is wrong, but it’s okay. Everything WILL be okay, but for now, you can cry.”
JC buried his face in Alyssa’s hair as he released his pent up emotions. He had been hiding them for too long. His shoulders shook violently as he cried. He cried and for a few moments, Alyssa thought he would never stop. His heart had broken but with every tear shed, he healed. His confusion and hopelessness and anxiety was released and when he finally sat up straight, he was smiling at Alyssa. He scrubbed his face with his hand and kissed her cheek tenderly. “Thank you... for letting me lose it.”
“You haven’t finished though. There’s more. I can tell.”
JC nodded, “The pictures made me realize what I was really feeling inside. I was just in a dilemma right then, and I didn’t know what was going on. I wanted Naomi but I thought I liked you more than her, but... But now I know. It’s Naomi in my heart. It always has been and it always will be. I just hope that Lance and Naomi can handle this stupid situation as well as you have.”
Alyssa sighed, “Me too, JC. I’m sick of hiding how I feel, what I think... maybe we should learn something from Mayo. Just be ourselves. There’s no reason to keep our troubles to ourselves just because we’re worried we’re going to burden the other party. That’s what friends are for and that’s what we’re all here for.”
JC nodded, but then shook his head slowly. “Catch hides a lot of things from me, Alyssa. She never told me anything about her troubles or burdens. She wouldn’t share them with me unless she was over it or it was too stressing for her to handle alone. I wish she wouldn’t protect me. I can protect myself and she’s the one who needs comfort. She should stop looking out for us and start caring about herself!”
Alyssa bit her lip, “That’s true. But the way she’s able to act as though everything’s all right and the way she can hide her feelings... it’s not healthy. She won’t show it unless she knows we know.” Alyssa paused for a few seconds. “How are we going to spill this all out to them? What if they don’t accept our explanation?”
JC sighed. His main goal in changing the subject was to get Alyssa’s mind off of Lance and telling him and Naomi everything. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be working. JC squeezed Alyssa’s shoulder. “I’m tired. I don’t think I can drive back to Justin’s house without crashing into a few trees or buildings along the way.”
“Look, come on.” Alyssa tugged on JC’s hand until he finally stood up and she pulled him towards Naomi’s bedroom. When they got close enough, she shoved him inside the room. “Change and get into that bed!” she ordered. “I’m going to call Naomi and tell her to stay over at Justin’s house for tonight.”
When she heard a muffled yes ma’am, she smiled and dialed Naomi’s cell phone number. “Um... h-hello?”
Alyssa was shocked when she heard Naomi’s breathless, anxious voice. She almost dropped the phone when she remembered that Naomi was still with Lance. “Hi Mayo...” she said uncertainly as the situation clicked in her mind.
Usually, Alyssa would have been jumping with excitement to know that Lance and Naomi had just kissed, but with things the way they were... she spoke again with a sinking heart. “JC’s too tired to drive home tonight. So I told him he could put up here. You... you don’t mind, do you? I mean-”
“No! No, I don’t mind!” Naomi replied quickly. Almost too quickly. Alyssa wondered at Naomi’s jittery, uncertain tone.
“Uh... okaaaayyyy. Actually, I knew you wouldn’t mind but, um, I had to call and tell you, you know. So... you’re going to put up at Justin’s house, I suppose?”
Naomi swallowed and nodded, “Um, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I will. Um, and... tell Chase to, um, you know, enjoy himself. I mean,” Naomi bit her lip when she realized how dirty she sounded. “I mean, help himself to whatever he wants.”
Alyssa would have giggled but she wasn’t sure if Naomi meant it the dirty way or if it was innocent all the way. She licked her lips and said slowly, “Mmmhmm...”
“ALLY!” Naomi wailed, “I didn’t mean it like that! Seriously!”
Alyssa nodded, “I... I know you didn’t. Um, how’s the... the date?” Alyssa closed her eyes painfully when images of Lance’s lips pressed gently against Naomi’s floated into her mind. She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts.
“It’s... it’s, um, it’s not bad. I mean, we... we’re chilling.”
Alyssa’s eyebrows raised at Naomi’s statement. “You’re... what?”
“Um, nothing.” Naomi said quickly. “We’re just, you know, hanging out... doing what regular twenty-one-year-olds do.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
There was an uneasy pause and Alyssa clutched at the phone, thinking desperately of something to say. “So I guess you and Lance should...”
“So I guess JC’s looking for...”
Their voices spoke and trailed off at the same time. They laughed nervously and Alyssa said, “Uh... great minds think alike huh?”
Naomi grinned awkwardly, “Uh... yeah. So... well... bye.”
Alyssa was surprised when the phone went dead. She pulled it away from her ear and stared at it curiously. “Uh... bye.”
Alyssa put down the phone and shuffled to Naomi’s room. She knocked on the door and asked, “Are you decent?”
“Uh-huh. Come right in.”
Alyssa walked into the room and JC knew something was wrong just by the look on her face. “Um... Alyssa, I don’t want to scare you or frighten you or anything but... What the hell is wrong?”
“Nothing.” Alyssa lied, crossing her fingers behind her back. “Nothing’s wrong at all. Everything’s just fine. It’s perfect!”
“Uh-huh. Right.” JC stared at Alyssa and finally she broke down. The look those blue eyes were giving her was too much to bear.
“OH ALL RIGHT!” she yelled. “Nothing’s fine because Naomi and Lance just kissed and that means that they’re in love which proves that the two of us are being stupid because they don’t love us and it’s just wishful thinking on our part!” She said it all in one breath before adding in one last statement, “So how can everything be all right?”
JC bit his lip as his mind digested the information he had just been fed. His eyes widened in disbelief when his brain registered the words that had been spouted from Alyssa’s big mouth. “You mean they... they kissed?”
Alyssa nodded, her eyes wide as well.
“How... how do you know?”
“Heavy breathing, anxious voice, tense atmosphere, Lance not talking, abrupt goodbye...” Alyssa put her head in her hands. “Need I say more?”
JC bit his lip, “You never know,” he said, partly reassuring her and partly trying to reassure himself. “I mean, maybe Lance was in the toilet and Naomi didn’t like being in the dark park all alone.”
“Yeah. Right. Whatever.” Alyssa rolled her eyes and hopped onto the bed. She swiped the tears that had found their way onto her cheeks and said, “I’m going to bed and I simply refuse to think about this. Whatever they were doing is their business and I’m just going to tell Lance everything tomorrow and hope that they didn’t do what we think they did.”
JC smiled, “I thought you said what they did was their business. So what does it matter if they did do what we think they did?”
Alyssa turned around to face JC was a scornful expression on her face. “Okay, fine! Shut up! Just... just SHUT UP!”
JC tried not to laugh. “Look, Alyssa... we don’t know for sure they kissed. Maybe that was just a big misunderstanding. We’ll see... the answer will be told tomorrow, okay? So stop crying and buck up.”
“Crying? Who was crying?” Alyssa grumbled as she covered her head with the blanket.
JC rolled his eyes and shrugged. He lay down on the mattress he had laid out for himself and pulled the spare blanket up to his chin.
“I know what I heard, JC. And it wasn’t good.” JC’s eyes slowly closed as Alyssa’s voice floated to him. He frowned and sighed. He hoped Alyssa was mistaken, because if she wasn’t... he was about to experience some major heartache.
TBC
Steal My Heart
(Meanwhile, At Jive.)
“What is the meaning of this, JC?” Taylor tried not to yell, but it was too difficult. He slammed something onto the table in front of him and took a deep breath. JC stood on the opposite side of the table and Taylor had to resist the urge to strangle him. But it was tempting. Almost too tempting.
JC crossed his arms over his chest. “I don’t understand why the hell you’re yelling at me, Taylor. These photos weren’t printed so I don’t see what the big deal is. We screw up sometimes and if the photographer or Jive isn’t satisfied because of some stupid photographs, what do you want me to do about it?”
Taylor tapped his foot against the floor impatiently. “JC, please don’t try my patience. Lately the rumors have just been flying about you guys. I have a hard time keeping your records clean as it is and now this? If I hadn’t seen these, that bloody reporter would have had them plastered on the front page covers of every known magazine and newspaper right now!”
“Taylor, it’s your job to keep our records clean. It’s what you’re paid to do. I’ve just had a full day of recording and I’m not exactly in the mood to waste my time or breath arguing over some freaking PHOTOGRAPHS with you! Tell me why the heck you called me here when I should be home resting like the others!”
“It may be my job to keep your records clean, JC, but it’s also your duty to make sure you don’t blow this up on purpose! What were you thinking?” Taylor was fuming. Who does he think he is? I’m can’t cover his ass on everything. When will these bloody singers learn to grow up and get a life?
“What was I thinking? Dammit Taylor! I don’t know. How’s that for an answer? Maybe I was thinking of goats or cows! You know what? It doesn’t matter what I was thinking and I don’t really care! I don’t have to report to you and you don’t have any pull on me. We get along fine as long as you don’t scream your head off at me when I don’t know what I’ve done! They’re a few lousy shots but you don’t have to get all hysterical! Hell, we’re human too! We can make mistakes you know!” JC was seething with anger. Like he said, he’d been recording the whole day, he was tired, his voice was almost hoarse and he felt totally burnt and worn out. He was in no mood to get into a verbal war with anyone, especially Taylor, but he was pissed and Taylor was being unreasonable.
I didn’t do anything. When has it become his business whether we shoot lousy pictures or not? JC glared at Taylor before sighing and scrubbing his hand over his face. There were dark eye bags under his eyes and he hadn’t slept well for days. The fans were anxiously waiting for the release of the next album and he didn’t want to disappoint them. He knew that after they released the album they would have to go on tour and the mere thought of it drained him of even more energy he couldn’t afford to spend.
It wasn’t only the album that was driving him insane. Naomi was also part of the problem. He missed her like crazy and he had seen her a few hours ago. She hadn’t talked to him, only curtly addressed him when she had to. JC hated it. She was trying to block him out of her life so she wouldn’t be hurt even more than she already was. He had worried about it ever since he and Alyssa hooked up. He knew that he wouldn’t be spending as much time as he would like to with Naomi but the way she had withdrawn herself from him scared him badly.
Naomi was eating away at his sanity and JC felt like screaming or hitting something. At that moment, Taylor was a tempting choice. With everything spinning out of control as it was, JC had every reason in the world to feel annoyed at Taylor. Half an hour ago, Taylor had forced him to stay behind while the rest left Jive. Then Taylor had forced JC into the office, slammed the door shut and ranted about some stupid photographs like a madman. JC was close to tearing his hair out and the room suddenly seemed to be closing in on him.
JC shook his head violently to clear his thoughts. He narrowed his eyes and slammed his fists on the table. “Look Taylor, I’m exhausted and I want to go home. If there’s nothing else, then I’m afraid you’ll have to excuse me.”
“Unfortunately JC, I can’t let you leave until you explain this to me. That reporter is going to have cooked up something about these photographs by tomorrow and unless you tell me what to say I’m going to keep you here, even if it takes me the whole night.”
“I don’t give a damn what you say. Just say it! Say we were feeling lousy, say I was sick, say we’re HUMAN and we make some bloody MISTAKES once in a while too! I don’t care! You can even say that was an alien disguised as me for all I care, Taylor! For heaven’s sake, just let me go home!”
Taylor narrowed his eyes, “Oh, don’t you use that tone on me, JC. Why don’t you stop hating the world for one second and take a look at yourself? You don’t care what you’re doing, you expect us to keep saving your ass... well, I can’t do anything about it if you choose to burn yourself. If you want to destroy your career, go right ahead.”
“What?” JC almost laughed, “Destroy my career? Why would I do that? These are photographs, Taylor. They don’t bite and they’re not classified under wild beasts if you haven’t noticed. Can you at least tell me what I’ve done instead of making me play mind games with you? I’m tired and I’ll be damned if I actually stand here and let you insult me when I don’t know what the hell is going on!”
JC was breathing heavily and his head was beginning to spin. His vision blurred for a second before he gave himself a mental shake and focused on what was going on again. Taylor noticed that JC didn’t look very good. He sighed and sat down. “Fine,” he said, motioning to JC to take a seat as well.
JC fell onto the seat and buried his head in his hands for a few seconds before looking back at Taylor with bloodshot eyes. Taylor was shocked to see JC almost breaking down. He stared at JC as the man rubbed his temples tiredly. “Okay, JC, here’s the deal. Look at these photos and tell me what you see.”
JC grabbed the photos and peered at them. It was the photo of him and Naomi as well as the one of Lance and Alyssa. He stared curiously at them for a few seconds then turned to Taylor accusingly. “These are beautiful. What’s the problem with them?”
“That’s the problem,” Taylor told JC. “They’re too beautiful. Look at you. The two of you are so obviously in love! And what about this one? Lance and Alyssa! Would you look at them? They are practically screaming for each other! What’s the meaning of this, JC? How do I cover it up? I can’t keep saving your ass if you’re not at least a bit more careful with your display of emotion!”
JC stared at the pictures, transfixed. Taylor’s right, he realized. Oh my god. What have we been doing?
JC gaped at the picture of Lance and Alyssa. Lance was standing behind Alyssa and he was leaning against the tree with his arms slung casually around Alyssa’s neck. Alyssa was giggling and her head was leaning against Lance’s chest. The clouds in the sky were beautiful and the sun was shining brightly but the tree shaded the both of them. The corners of JC’s mouth twitched as he put the picture down.
He almost gasped when he saw the picture of himself and Naomi again. It was taken under a willow tree and he had been sitting on the grass, with his back leaning against the tree trunk. Naomi’s head was resting on his thighs and she was lying on the grass with one leg propped up. His hands were stroking her hair absently and her hands were rubbing his legs comfortingly. They were smiling and laughing at each other and it only took one look to know that they were in love. It was too obvious to hide.
JC swallowed and put the picture on the table. He closed his eyes as his head throbbed and his heart raced. Taylor reached forward to take the photos but JC slammed his hands over them immediately. His confused, angry eyes met Taylor’s and he cleared his throat. “Thank you for showing me the photos Taylor. But the reporters don’t have any proof without these. And the fans don’t know who Naomi is... for now. I need to keep these. There’s something I have to do. I... why didn’t you call Lance along too?”
Taylor couldn’t help smiling at JC’s question. “I had a hunch that he had a date tonight. I thought he was going out with Alyssa so I let him leave. There isn’t much a young man can do if his mind is wondering off somewhere. Or with someone.” Taylor’s sharp eyes took in JC’s stifled yawn and tired expression. “All right, off you go. But if this ever happens again, we’re going to have another talk.”
JC nodded and practically ran out of the office. He dashed to his Jeep and hopped in quickly. His head was pounding as he tried to grasp what was happening. He leaned back in his seat, closed his eyes and listened to his own ragged breathing. It had all become incredibly clear as soon as he had set eyes on the picture.
JC knew there and then that he loved Naomi. They had been too stupid to look past the friendship they had shared because they were contented as they were and they had had their fears and worries about getting into a relationship. It was Alyssa and Lance that had clouded his judgment. Alyssa coming on like she was interested in him and Lance thinking that he liked Naomi. It was all painfully clear now. JC knew that he had to talk to Alyssa and explain everything to her. Then it would be time for him to speak with Naomi. And hopefully, things would all work out for the best.
Fatigued as he was, JC stepped on the accelerator and raced in the direction of Naomi’s house. He could see her in his mind’s eye and when he slowed down at the traffic junction, he closed his eyes and finally allowed himself to lose himself in the sensation that the mere thought of her brought him. He could see Naomi’s sparkling blue eyes vividly as if he was staring into them at that moment, her features were all implanted deeply in his mind. Her laughter, her tears, her anger, her sarcasm, her childishness, her innocence... every bit of her was locked securely in his mind. He sighed and rubbed the back of his neck.
JC’s eye popped open when he heard the sound of a horn behind him. “Great,” he muttered as he waved an apology to the car behind him. He shifted gears and roared off. JC smiled when he remembered Naomi’s excitement and laughter as she twirled in front of him in the white dress he had bought for her. JC sighed and licked his lips. If only we had kissed at the beach that night... every thing would have been fine by now.
JC rubbed his hand over his neck and groaned. “I swear I’m gonna take a long rest after this is all over. I am NOT going out to any club for at least one week. And I’m just going to relax, relax, relax... did I say relax?” JC giggled when he realized there was no one else in the car to listen to his ranting. “I’m talking to myself. The next thing you know I’m going to start hallucinating and... um, I don’t know what.” His eyes widened when he realized he was still talking to himself. “All right, this is getting freaky. Okay, I’m just gonna shut up now.”
He exhaled loudly and rubbed a hand down his face. He slapped himself on the cheeks and tried not to fall asleep. He shook himself mentally and smiled with relief when ‘Unforgettable’ by Nat King Cole played over the radio. He remembered the time Naomi was four and had listened, intrigued, as he sang the beautiful song to her. The lyrics had held so much meaning for them both. In his mind’s eye he could picture vividly Naomi staring at him, completely transfixed on the words that he was singing.
“Unforgettable, that’s what you are. Unforgettable, though near or far. Like a song of love that clings to me; how the thought of you does things to me... Never before has someone been more... Unforgettable, in every way, and forever more, that's how you'll stay. That's why darling, it's incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too. No, never before has someone been more… unforgettable in every way, and forever more that's how you'll stay. That's why darling, it's incredible that someone so unforgettable thinks that I am unforgettable too...”
Naomi stared at JC, her pale blue eyes never leaving his face. As young as she was, she could vaguely understand what JC had been singing. She had never heard something that meant as much to her as his song did. Her hands grabbed his and she squeezed them tightly. JC smiled down at her and asked, “Did you like that?”
Naomi nodded fervently. Then she grinned, “But you sound like a girl when you sing. The man who sings it sounds much better than you do.”
JC frowned but there was a twinkle in his eyes, “Oh yeah? You wait... one day I’ll have a really, really great voice and I’ll make you pay for ever saying that to me. And then you’ll have to beg for my signature.”
Naomi laughed then and held out a clean sheet of paper and a pen, “All right Chase. You sign something for me right here and when you’re famous I’ll be able to prove I knew you when we were kids.”
“Uh-uh,” JC’s eyes lit up when he heard her words. He knew she believed in him and that she never doubted him, no matter what. Regardless of the situation, she would take his side as long as she felt he was doing the right thing. If what he was doing didn’t seem right, she would go all out to guide him back the right way, but other than that she believed in him more than even his parents did. She knew, without a doubt, that he could achieve as long as he believed in himself. And he was touched and grateful for her undying trust and confidence in him. But he shook his head playfully. “No way!”
Naomi pouted, “Why not?” she asked.
“Because they’d think you were my girlfriend!”
“So?”
JC stared at Naomi, amazed. “So? So... well... I, uh, I... you know, I don’t want anyone to get the wrong idea!”
Naomi shrugged, “Why do you care what they think? I don’t. The Chase I know doesn’t. He’d just sign anyway because it means a lot to me.”
JC smiled, and tapped his foot against the floor, contemplating his next move. “Well... let me think about it.”
Naomi sighed and put the paper down. “Why won’t you let them think what they want? If it’s not true then it doesn’t matter! You’re not going to get a girlfriend anyway, right? Why would you want to get a girl to hug and be mushy with and waste money over and - ugh! - KISS!?”
JC smiled, “I might get a girlfriend. Then again, I might not. I don’t know if kissing is disgusting. I’ve never tried it before.” He closed his eyes and his smile turned dreamy. “Anyway, I want a funny girlfriend who I can trust and love. And she’s gotta be really pretty too.” Naomi tilted her head and looked at him funnily. JC grinned at her and ruffled her hair. “She’s gotta be as pretty as you. And as smart as you. And as funny as you. And as cute as you. And as silly as you. And... and...”
Naomi laughed, “And I might as well make a clone of myself for you.”
JC’s look turned thoughtful, “That wouldn’t be as nice as the real copy.”
Naomi giggled before saying pensively, “Chase... let’s make a fair swap. You give me that signature and I’ll give you a kiss. Then at least you’ll know if the real copy is nice or not. And you’ll know what a kiss feels like.”
JC’s eyes widened in an expression of disbelief, “Really?”
Naomi shrugged, “Why not?”
JC giggled, “I bet you wouldn’t dare.”
Naomi narrowed her eyes, “I would so.”
“Would not!”
“Would so!”
“Not!”
“Would!”
“NOT!” JC yelled and ran off, laughing. Naomi jumped up and chased him around the field like they used to in the past. JC felt a twinge of sadness when he heard Naomi’s laughter behind him. It had been half a year since they had last ran around playing together and that was something he had sorely missed. Elementary school had its pluses but he felt lonely without Naomi around.
Finally, Naomi pounced on his back and brought JC to the ground. There was a struggle but JC finally managed to break free long enough to turn around and look up at Naomi. She giggled and sat down on his stomach to make sure he wouldn’t run away. She leaned forward and rubbed the mud off of his cheek. JC grinned and Naomi tried to remember why she had chased him in the first place.
Light dawned on her and Naomi wasn’t pleased by the cocky smirk on JC’s face. She stared indignantly at him for a few seconds before taking a deep breath, leaning forward and kissing JC softly on the lips. She struggled not to roll off of his stomach as she stretched forward but her young body wasn’t long enough.
JC’s mind was racing. He was too young to understand the feelings racing through his mind and he was confused. He was shocked... but he was also enjoying it.
Naomi’s lips pressed harder, almost roughly, against JC’s for a moment as she lurched forward before falling off of him in a laughing heap. JC’s eyes were wide and shocked, his lips were pink and slightly swollen as he lay staring at the sky for a few stunned seconds. He couldn’t grasp the situation or fully understand what had happened. Finally, he rolled on his side and watched as Naomi’s body shook violently with laughter.
She finally lifted her face from the grass and JC smiled when he saw the muddy patch on her forehead. Naomi giggled, “You looked so funny, Chase. That surprised look. And I told you I would so dare to kiss you!”
JC’s eyes twinkled with amusement. The kiss they had shared was purely an innocent act. He grinned and rubbed his face with his sleeve before rubbing the mud off of Naomi’s forehead. “All right! You win! Let’s go and I’ll sign that piece of paper!”
Naomi bounded up happily and ran to get the paper. JC took it from her and thought of something to write as she pulled up a few strands of tall grass and made them into braids. JC watched in fascination as her small fingers nimbly folded the grass into an intricate pattern. He smiled when she held two grass braids up and dangled them in his face. “Come on, I’ve finished TWO and you haven’t written ONE word!”
JC giggled and nodded. “Hmm...” he bit the pen thoughtfully and finally grinned. He took the pen out of his mouth and scribbled, ‘Deerez Naomi, you are not faymos as me but for alwayz I will be yur biggez fan. Lotsa love, Chase.’ Then, at the bottom, he signed JC Chasez in his sloppy handwriting.
Naomi grinned widely when she read the badly spelt message. She grinned and stuck both grass braids on the paper. She kissed one of them and forced JC to kiss the other one. Then she giggled and hugged it to her chest. “I will keep this forever!”
JC laughed at the memory but then sobered up. He broke out of his trail of thoughts as he pulled up outside Naomi’s house. There was a ghost of a smile on his face and he couldn’t resist running his finger over and over his lips before getting out of the car and locking it. He remembered the way Naomi’s lips had pressed gently on his before the pressure increased because of the movement of her body. He closed his eyes and licked his lips before he finally concentrated on the important task at hand.
“It’ll work out. It has to. When Alyssa sees this, she’ll realize everything is wrong. She’ll realize that... that this is impossible. And... like me, she’ll realize she loves Lance. It’s LANCE in her heart, not me. Just like it was Naomi in my heart all along. She has to get it. She just has to.” JC gave himself a pep talk as he ran towards the door, hoping he wouldn’t lose his nerve. He had a lot to tell Alyssa and he hoped she wouldn’t take it the wrong way. He prayed fervently that she would realize her love was directed at Lance and not him.
JC pressed the doorbell as soon as he could reach it. Nervously, he hopped from one foot to another - a rare act for JC Chasez - and pressed it again. Alyssa opened the door on the second ring and JC sighed with relief. She brightened visibly as soon as she saw him and tip-toed, expecting a kiss on the cheek of some sort.
But JC surprised her by clearing his throat nervously and walking into the house without being asked. Alyssa stared at him in astonishment but she didn’t question him. She just bit her lip and followed him into the living room. James was washing the dishes and didn’t come out of the kitchen. “Um...”
“Did you want to see me, sweetie? What’s wrong?”
“I... uh...” JC bit his lip. Now that he was actually standing there... she was actually standing in front of him, listening eagerly to all he had to say... he couldn’t find the words. They stuck in his throat and no matter what he did, they just didn’t seem to be able to come out right. His eyes wandered nervously around the room, sliding from the sofa to the television set, virtually anything as long as he didn’t have to look at Alyssa’s questioning stare. He couldn’t face her... not with the present situation as it was.
Alyssa watched him anxiously. What’s wrong with him? Is he sick? He looks so... burnt out. He needs to rest. Maybe I should make him go to bed... she looked at him in concern. “JC, it’s only me. What’s wrong, sweetheart? You look tired. Why don’t you stay here for the night? I’m sure Naomi won’t mind and-”
“No!” JC protested, shaking his head vehemently. “As tempting as it sounds, I can’t get any peaceful sleep right now. Maybe later. But right now, I just...” JC swallowed nervously as he forced the words out. “Alyssa, there’s something you need to see. I’m sorry this is so abrupt but I had to show it to you tonight. I’ll leave right after I’m done.”
Alyssa nodded slowly and sat down. She sat down on the couch and patted the seat next to her. But JC surprised her for the second time that night by sliding into the seat across her. “Uh, I’m not sure how you’re going to react but-”
“Don’t look so worried, JC. It can’t be all that bad,” Alyssa forced a smile but her stomach was churning. JC hardly looked worried or stressed but he was looking both those things and she was anxious about him. She bit her lip as she took in his tired, worn out expression. He was frowning in a weary way, as though his every action was draining him of his energy. And by the looks of it, he didn’t have much energy left.
She shook her head as he rummaged through his backpack. She knew he needed more sleep and she couldn’t help feeling resentment towards Jive for working the guys so hard. She knew they, especially JC, were perfectionists, and they would never leave a song alone unless it was at it’s peak and they believed it was perfect. Alyssa’s mind snapped back to the devitalized expression Lance had worn the whole day. Although he kept insisting he was fine, Alyssa knew better. She just wished they would take better care of themselves.
JC finally found what he was looking for and slowly, he pulled the photographs out of his bag. His badly shaking fingers lay them on the table and Alyssa gasped. She took in the love struck expression on each of their faces and her eyes widened in wonder. She stroked a thumb over her own face, Lance’s face, and then JC and Naomi’s faces. Her lips were trembling and JC thought she was going to cry. Instead, she smiled ruefully.
JC licked his lips and started talking when he saw her expression, “I suppose... Naomi and I... the friendship we shared... it was so strong and the bond we shared was so special that... that...” JC’s voice trailed off as he struggled to find the words to say. Nothing was coming to him. He had always prided himself on being able to handle any situation calmly and wittily. He was the rock of the group, the father figure, the level-headed guy; but in this case... he was dumbfounded. For the first time, JC Chasez found himself at a loss for words.
Then again, there were no words that could express the feelings that those photographs had evoked him. The way his heart had raced as soon as he had imagined Naomi’s pale blue eyes looking slyly at him, the way he blushed when he thought of the feel of her lips against his; the way adrenaline coursed through his body the second he thought of her and Lance alone in the park, the way his head seemed to be spinning when he felt Naomi’s gentle touch; the way he smiled when he thought of how they were always so blunt and honest with each other, the way he had been able to sleep like a baby just knowing that Naomi was going to be there with him the next day...
JC took a few deep breaths, closed his eyes and spoke again. But this time, the words flowed easily and freely from his mouth. He didn’t think about what he should say; he let his heart do the talking. Just like Justin had said - he was going for it with all that he possessed and he was going to start letting his heart lead him for a while.
Alyssa sat quietly, watching JC. She smiled gently when she saw the flickering emotions his face sometimes displayed. She sighed softly when he closed his eyes and she felt herself calming down. While her initial reaction to the photographs had indeed been shock and amazement, there was also a small part in her that was laughing and screaming for joy. She had known subconsciously all along that she was in love with Lance and JC was just someone who had intrigued and mesmerized her. Now that everything was clear, painfully so, she felt as though there had been a weight lifted off of her shoulders. There was nothing left to stop her from showing her feelings for Lance... no reason to hide anymore.
A smile crept onto Alyssa’s face when she thought of that. Her head spun and when she looked up again JC was just opening his mouth to speak. Except now... he looked relieved, and although not totally confident, he was feeling more relaxed about talking. He didn’t look worried and even some of his tiredness seemed to have been washed away.
“JC,” she interrupted, before he could say another word. “I want to let you know that you don’t owe me any explanations. I knew it in my heart and the back of my mind that Lance was the one for me all along. It’s just... he was so wrapped up in Naomi that... I guess I, you know, kinda lost it. I just...”
JC smiled anxiously and held up a hand to stop her, “You don’t owe me an explanation either, Alyssa. This isn’t a confession session or anything, okay? Let’s just... talk. I’ve been needing to do that for a while.”
Alyssa grinned, “Why not?”
JC smiled. “You go first.”
“Well, I’ve always liked Lance. From the day I heard his voice I was just... I don’t know... how do you describe this feeling? It’s just... there’s no words for it. I was filled with admiration when I heard your songs. They were beautiful. You guys... you guys have talent. You’re not just good-looking wannabes... you are. You’ve made your mark through sheer hard work and because you always had it in you. There’s no way talent like that can be hidden. And I was hooked. From the day I first heard you all sing, I was... I was a goner. And Lance... the way he acted and sang and because he was LANCE, I fell for him.”
Alyssa took a deep breath and spoke, “But the day we got the chance to see you and maybe work for you, I knew that Lance liked Naomi. Well... I thought he did. What made it seem that way, JC? Why did he feel so attracted to Naomi if it’s true what these photos show, and he was in love with me?”
JC smiled and patted her shoulder comfortingly, “Sometimes guys are a bit fickle. We want to try out every possible solution before choosing one.”
Alyssa smiled regretfully, “Kinda like the way you channel surf, huh?”
JC laughed, “Yeah... hey, I never thought of it that way.”
Alyssa shook her head, “Well... I was attracted to you. There was this pull that made me want to know you. You’re handsome and sweet and we flirted and it felt right... for a while. Just now, James said that you and Naomi looked really beautiful together. And although I reacted angrily towards his statement... it was because I felt that he was right. And I didn’t want to believe it. I wanted things to stay the way they were. Because I wouldn’t get hurt and on the surface it was all right. It was perfect. But inside... inside there was turmoil.”
Alyssa hung her head and tears formed in her eyes, “I just wanted to believe that everything was all right. That we would be happy together. I tried... I really tried to make myself love you... but Lance overruled everything. I just... I couldn’t help it. I know it sounds bad and I want to slap myself for sounding like this grade-A bitch, but it’s just... things happen and feelings can’t be forced. I’m sorry.”
JC got on one knee in front of her, put his hand under her chin and lifted her face so he could look into her eyes. He smiled and gently wiped a tear away with his thumb, “Don’t be sorry. I’m glad you understand why this is happening and I’m glad you know how you feel. I should be going back now. I’m tired, you’re tired and we need our rest.”
Alyssa shook her head and rested her hand on his shoulder, “We said we would talk, JC. I want to hear what you have to say. Tell me. TALK to me. You’ll feel so much better getting it off of your chest.”
JC sighed and sat down on the couch, “I really don’t know what to say to you or how to explain any of this. I mean... how do I put into words these feelings inside of me? I can’t... they’re indescribable. It’s like, Naomi and I... we were too wrapped up in our friendship to see the possibility of any other kind of relationship. I was... afraid, I guess. I didn’t want to lose her and if I took our relationship to another level... I thought, maybe, I’d lose her. I couldn’t risk that. We had gone through too much to be separated because of this. It just seemed too ridiculous to even consider. She was my sister, my friend, my confidante... but now, I don’t know anymore. These pictures... they show everything.”
JC took a deep breath and broke off. Alyssa looked at him and, as if she could see through him, she watched as the conflict inside of him went out of control. JC was struggling to stay composed, but she could see the bewildered, frightened, tortured soul inside fighting to get free. She held on to his hand and kissed the back of it. “It’s okay to cry, JC. I know you’re scared and worried and you don’t know what the hell is wrong, but it’s okay. Everything WILL be okay, but for now, you can cry.”
JC buried his face in Alyssa’s hair as he released his pent up emotions. He had been hiding them for too long. His shoulders shook violently as he cried. He cried and for a few moments, Alyssa thought he would never stop. His heart had broken but with every tear shed, he healed. His confusion and hopelessness and anxiety was released and when he finally sat up straight, he was smiling at Alyssa. He scrubbed his face with his hand and kissed her cheek tenderly. “Thank you... for letting me lose it.”
“You haven’t finished though. There’s more. I can tell.”
JC nodded, “The pictures made me realize what I was really feeling inside. I was just in a dilemma right then, and I didn’t know what was going on. I wanted Naomi but I thought I liked you more than her, but... But now I know. It’s Naomi in my heart. It always has been and it always will be. I just hope that Lance and Naomi can handle this stupid situation as well as you have.”
Alyssa sighed, “Me too, JC. I’m sick of hiding how I feel, what I think... maybe we should learn something from Mayo. Just be ourselves. There’s no reason to keep our troubles to ourselves just because we’re worried we’re going to burden the other party. That’s what friends are for and that’s what we’re all here for.”
JC nodded, but then shook his head slowly. “Catch hides a lot of things from me, Alyssa. She never told me anything about her troubles or burdens. She wouldn’t share them with me unless she was over it or it was too stressing for her to handle alone. I wish she wouldn’t protect me. I can protect myself and she’s the one who needs comfort. She should stop looking out for us and start caring about herself!”
Alyssa bit her lip, “That’s true. But the way she’s able to act as though everything’s all right and the way she can hide her feelings... it’s not healthy. She won’t show it unless she knows we know.” Alyssa paused for a few seconds. “How are we going to spill this all out to them? What if they don’t accept our explanation?”
JC sighed. His main goal in changing the subject was to get Alyssa’s mind off of Lance and telling him and Naomi everything. Unfortunately, it didn’t seem to be working. JC squeezed Alyssa’s shoulder. “I’m tired. I don’t think I can drive back to Justin’s house without crashing into a few trees or buildings along the way.”
“Look, come on.” Alyssa tugged on JC’s hand until he finally stood up and she pulled him towards Naomi’s bedroom. When they got close enough, she shoved him inside the room. “Change and get into that bed!” she ordered. “I’m going to call Naomi and tell her to stay over at Justin’s house for tonight.”
When she heard a muffled yes ma’am, she smiled and dialed Naomi’s cell phone number. “Um... h-hello?”
Alyssa was shocked when she heard Naomi’s breathless, anxious voice. She almost dropped the phone when she remembered that Naomi was still with Lance. “Hi Mayo...” she said uncertainly as the situation clicked in her mind.
Usually, Alyssa would have been jumping with excitement to know that Lance and Naomi had just kissed, but with things the way they were... she spoke again with a sinking heart. “JC’s too tired to drive home tonight. So I told him he could put up here. You... you don’t mind, do you? I mean-”
“No! No, I don’t mind!” Naomi replied quickly. Almost too quickly. Alyssa wondered at Naomi’s jittery, uncertain tone.
“Uh... okaaaayyyy. Actually, I knew you wouldn’t mind but, um, I had to call and tell you, you know. So... you’re going to put up at Justin’s house, I suppose?”
Naomi swallowed and nodded, “Um, yeah. Yeah, I suppose I will. Um, and... tell Chase to, um, you know, enjoy himself. I mean,” Naomi bit her lip when she realized how dirty she sounded. “I mean, help himself to whatever he wants.”
Alyssa would have giggled but she wasn’t sure if Naomi meant it the dirty way or if it was innocent all the way. She licked her lips and said slowly, “Mmmhmm...”
“ALLY!” Naomi wailed, “I didn’t mean it like that! Seriously!”
Alyssa nodded, “I... I know you didn’t. Um, how’s the... the date?” Alyssa closed her eyes painfully when images of Lance’s lips pressed gently against Naomi’s floated into her mind. She shook her head and tried to clear her thoughts.
“It’s... it’s, um, it’s not bad. I mean, we... we’re chilling.”
Alyssa’s eyebrows raised at Naomi’s statement. “You’re... what?”
“Um, nothing.” Naomi said quickly. “We’re just, you know, hanging out... doing what regular twenty-one-year-olds do.”
“Oh.”
“Yeah.”
There was an uneasy pause and Alyssa clutched at the phone, thinking desperately of something to say. “So I guess you and Lance should...”
“So I guess JC’s looking for...”
Their voices spoke and trailed off at the same time. They laughed nervously and Alyssa said, “Uh... great minds think alike huh?”
Naomi grinned awkwardly, “Uh... yeah. So... well... bye.”
Alyssa was surprised when the phone went dead. She pulled it away from her ear and stared at it curiously. “Uh... bye.”
Alyssa put down the phone and shuffled to Naomi’s room. She knocked on the door and asked, “Are you decent?”
“Uh-huh. Come right in.”
Alyssa walked into the room and JC knew something was wrong just by the look on her face. “Um... Alyssa, I don’t want to scare you or frighten you or anything but... What the hell is wrong?”
“Nothing.” Alyssa lied, crossing her fingers behind her back. “Nothing’s wrong at all. Everything’s just fine. It’s perfect!”
“Uh-huh. Right.” JC stared at Alyssa and finally she broke down. The look those blue eyes were giving her was too much to bear.
“OH ALL RIGHT!” she yelled. “Nothing’s fine because Naomi and Lance just kissed and that means that they’re in love which proves that the two of us are being stupid because they don’t love us and it’s just wishful thinking on our part!” She said it all in one breath before adding in one last statement, “So how can everything be all right?”
JC bit his lip as his mind digested the information he had just been fed. His eyes widened in disbelief when his brain registered the words that had been spouted from Alyssa’s big mouth. “You mean they... they kissed?”
Alyssa nodded, her eyes wide as well.
“How... how do you know?”
“Heavy breathing, anxious voice, tense atmosphere, Lance not talking, abrupt goodbye...” Alyssa put her head in her hands. “Need I say more?”
JC bit his lip, “You never know,” he said, partly reassuring her and partly trying to reassure himself. “I mean, maybe Lance was in the toilet and Naomi didn’t like being in the dark park all alone.”
“Yeah. Right. Whatever.” Alyssa rolled her eyes and hopped onto the bed. She swiped the tears that had found their way onto her cheeks and said, “I’m going to bed and I simply refuse to think about this. Whatever they were doing is their business and I’m just going to tell Lance everything tomorrow and hope that they didn’t do what we think they did.”
JC smiled, “I thought you said what they did was their business. So what does it matter if they did do what we think they did?”
Alyssa turned around to face JC was a scornful expression on her face. “Okay, fine! Shut up! Just... just SHUT UP!”
JC tried not to laugh. “Look, Alyssa... we don’t know for sure they kissed. Maybe that was just a big misunderstanding. We’ll see... the answer will be told tomorrow, okay? So stop crying and buck up.”
“Crying? Who was crying?” Alyssa grumbled as she covered her head with the blanket.
JC rolled his eyes and shrugged. He lay down on the mattress he had laid out for himself and pulled the spare blanket up to his chin.
“I know what I heard, JC. And it wasn’t good.” JC’s eyes slowly closed as Alyssa’s voice floated to him. He frowned and sighed. He hoped Alyssa was mistaken, because if she wasn’t... he was about to experience some major heartache.
TBC
