Small Talk
Oct. 13th, 2003 04:45 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
amfiguree[N'sync] [Basez] [G]
Small Talk
JC and Lance sat in the room quietly, Lance glued to the computer, JC glued to Lance’s back. The only sounds in the room were the continuous depression of the keys on the keyboard as Lance typed out a proposal for one of his new FreeLance acts.
Finally, the blond stretched and yawned, swiveling his chair around and meeting JC’s eyes. “Hey Jace,” he smiled, acknowledging the handsome brunette. JC looked up at Lance and grinned toothily, “Hey.”
Then he went back to staring at Lance’s feet.
Unnerved by the blue-eyed man’s intense gaze, Lance cleared his throat. “Um, you know, we haven’t talked in a while.”
JC sighed inaudibly and forced another smile. “Yeah,” he said softly. “We’ve been really busy since the release of ‘Pop’, what with you going to space, Joey shooting more films, Chris busy with the Fuman clothesline doing so well and all, and Justin being offered all those song opportunities that he won’t even tell us about.”
Lance smiled, thinking of all the tests he had gone through just to ensure he was in tip-top condition. “What about you, ‘C?”
“Me? What about me?”
“You’ve been offered a whole load of producing and writing offers, haven’t you?” Lance explained gently.
JC scratched his head, looking adorable as always. “Well, yeah. But I’m still considering these offers. They don’t seem like my kinda thing.” Shaking his head, JC brushed the topic aside. “Be careful in space, Scoop,” he said, suddenly grabbing the younger blond for a hug.
Lance patted JC on the back. “I will,” he promised, his voice thick with emotion. “You too, Jace.”
JC smiled and nodded, releasing the blond gently. The two sat in companionable silence for the next few minutes before JC finally said softly. “Would you be able to tell if I was angry with you, Lance?”
“What?”
“Would you-“
“I know what you said, Jace. Just… why did you ask? You… you aren’t mad with me, are you?”
JC shook his head, smiling slightly. “Nah… I was just wondering…” he paused, before looking Lance in the eye. “Would you?”
Lance sat pensively for a moment before he nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah I’d like to think I would.”
“Me too.”
Lance raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further. “Hey Jace... Would you? Be able to tell if I was angry, I mean.”
“Yeah.”
“Confident are we?”
JC gave Lance a half, almost sad smile. “Yeah, very.”
“Okaaaaayyy…” Lance drawled, wondering at JC’s strange behavior. Yeah, the guy had been pretty withdrawn lately, but this kind of manner was still weird. Really weird. “Um… well, would you be able to tell if I was keeping a secret from you?”
“I think so. I don’t know.” JC frowned thoughtfully and chewed on his lip. “Would you be able to tell that about me?”
Lance shook his head honestly. “I really don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve just… grown really detached lately, JC. And you never show your feelings anymore. I just… you’ve grown up, I guess. Changed from the nineteen-year-old I first met, the one that couldn’t keep anything to himself. You’ve changed from that to, well, a completely different person. Someone who doesn’t show how he feels inside. It’s really hard to read you now, or know what you’re thinking.”
JC nodded, “I know. I know I’ve become… different.” God, I wish I could tell you why, Lance. I wish I could so bad.
“Wanna talk about it?”
JC shook his head, “There really isn’t anything to say. Fame took its toll on me, I guess. Just really exhausted from everything, really.”
“Ever since you came out to us…” Lance shook his head. “Are you keeping something from me, Jace? We’re best friends, and I really want to help you out. You can tell me anything. You being gay didn’t change that.”
JC nodded, forcing a smile. “I know. I know. Just…” JC let his voice trail off and hoped Lance would understand. He did.
“Would you… be able to tell if I was in love?” JC asked softly, finally breaking the silence.
Lance grinned widely. “Whoa C, who’s the lucky guy?”
JC shook his head. “Not that I’m in love… I was just… asking.”
Lance cocked his head thoughtfully for a second, “Yeah. I think so. What about you? Would you be able to tell?”
“Um… I don’t… think so.” JC smiled apologetically. “Unless… you know… you were so happy it showed.”
“I probably will be,” Lance affirmed. “I mean, love is supposed to make you happy, right?”
There was a silence as JC pondered his answer carefully. “I… I guess. If you, you know, were in love with the right person.”
“How can you NOT be in love with the right person?” Lance wondered aloud. “If you were, then it would probably be lust or infatuation. Right?”
JC smiled bitterly, replying almost rancorously. “No, Lance. That’s why we have that thing called heartache.”
Lance chewed on his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He sighed, “Jace, are you SURE you’re not keeping something from me? I mean, I know you’ve changed… become really reserved and all… but this… this is plain strange. You’re just…”
JC licked his lips nervously. “You know what?” he said softly, at last. “I do have some stuff I wanna talk about. But, you know, I think you have a few secrets of your own.”
“I…” Lance rubbed his hands over his eyes. “All right, I’ll spill if you spill.”
“What? Is this some kind of ‘guess when I have a secret and I’ll tell you’?” JC was only half-joking. “I thought we were best friends?!”
“We are!” That sounded almost like a plea. “It’s just… I didn’t know how to tell you and…well, I don’t want to tell the other guys just yet but YOU’LL understand, JC. I know you will.”
“Okay, okay!” JC lifted his hands in mock surrender, wondering why his best friend was so worked up. “Tell me…”
“I… see… well…”
The room was silent for a time, and JC didn’t push, didn’t probe, simply waited patiently till the younger blond found his voice, his courage, and decided to speak again.
“IkindarealizedthatIwasgay.”
“Say what?” JC’s eyes widened. “I thought I heard you say that you realized you were gay.”
“You didn’t… hear wrong,” Lance informed him, before cracking a weak grin. “Hey, you rhymed!”
“Huh? What? Oh. OH!” JC shook his head as the little tidbit finally sunk in. “Wow, Lance!” He breathed. “And all this time… you didn’t tell us?”
“Huh? Hold up. ALL this time?”
“Yeah.” JC blushed, “I kinda noticed you were looking at other men in the clubs we went to. So I pretty much knew your secret. But… why did you wait so long?”
Lance shrugged nonchalantly. “I was trying to come to terms with it, I guess.”
JC nodded and the two lapsed back into silence.
“Hey Lance?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you… you know… MET anyone?”
Lance shook his head solemnly, “The group comes first Jace. I’d have to give up a lot of time to be with anyone I hooked up with. And I’m not willing to give that up yet.” JC’s spirits fell as Lance continued, “Besides, none of them seem to be what I’m looking for, you know?”
“Yeah,” JC murmured, “Yeah, I know.”
“And you, Mr. Chasez?”
“Huh?”
Lance rolled his eyes playfully. “A little slow, are we? I mean, have YOU found Mr. Right yet?”
“Nah. Not looking. I’ve given up on looking anymore. I think he might just come running to my arms one day.”
Lance chuckled, “Good work with the fantasy.”
“Hey, you never know.”
JC’s voice was husky and Lance looked up in surprise, meaning to ask what JC meant. What Lance DIDN’T expect was to feel JC’s lips on his. It felt… different and yet familiar somehow, as if he’d been wanting it all along. Lance felt JC shaking as he returned the kiss, and wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist.
JC pulled away, breathless, staring into Lance’s green eyes. “Um. You don’t… have to do this… if you don’t want to.”
Lance pondered JC’s words before pulling him close again. “Would you be able to tell if I wanted you?”
JC’s heartbeat accelerated at Lance’s words, the younger man’s breath hot on his neck, and he almost lost all coherent thoughts. “I…” he looked into Lance’s eyes and found what he had been looking for for so long. “Yes. I think I would,” he replied softly, planting another chaste kiss on Lance’s pink lips.
“What took you so long?” Lance asked, finally.
“I was trying to come to terms with it, I guess.” JC mimicked Lance.
Lance just smiled. “Fine. Whatever.”
JC snuggled closer to Lance on the couch they were now both sharing, a smile on his face. He kissed his younger bandmate and Lance looked up into those beautiful cerulean eyes. “You know I’m not doing this out of pity or anything, right?”
“Yeah,” JC replied. “I know.”
“Good.” Lance reached up to run his fingers through JC’s hair. JC leaned into Lance’s touch, eyes closed. “I can tell you’re wondering if you love me.” Lance murmured.
“I can tell you’re thinking you’re right.”
“You’re thinking I’m right too.”
“I know.”
-fin-
Small Talk
JC and Lance sat in the room quietly, Lance glued to the computer, JC glued to Lance’s back. The only sounds in the room were the continuous depression of the keys on the keyboard as Lance typed out a proposal for one of his new FreeLance acts.
Finally, the blond stretched and yawned, swiveling his chair around and meeting JC’s eyes. “Hey Jace,” he smiled, acknowledging the handsome brunette. JC looked up at Lance and grinned toothily, “Hey.”
Then he went back to staring at Lance’s feet.
Unnerved by the blue-eyed man’s intense gaze, Lance cleared his throat. “Um, you know, we haven’t talked in a while.”
JC sighed inaudibly and forced another smile. “Yeah,” he said softly. “We’ve been really busy since the release of ‘Pop’, what with you going to space, Joey shooting more films, Chris busy with the Fuman clothesline doing so well and all, and Justin being offered all those song opportunities that he won’t even tell us about.”
Lance smiled, thinking of all the tests he had gone through just to ensure he was in tip-top condition. “What about you, ‘C?”
“Me? What about me?”
“You’ve been offered a whole load of producing and writing offers, haven’t you?” Lance explained gently.
JC scratched his head, looking adorable as always. “Well, yeah. But I’m still considering these offers. They don’t seem like my kinda thing.” Shaking his head, JC brushed the topic aside. “Be careful in space, Scoop,” he said, suddenly grabbing the younger blond for a hug.
Lance patted JC on the back. “I will,” he promised, his voice thick with emotion. “You too, Jace.”
JC smiled and nodded, releasing the blond gently. The two sat in companionable silence for the next few minutes before JC finally said softly. “Would you be able to tell if I was angry with you, Lance?”
“What?”
“Would you-“
“I know what you said, Jace. Just… why did you ask? You… you aren’t mad with me, are you?”
JC shook his head, smiling slightly. “Nah… I was just wondering…” he paused, before looking Lance in the eye. “Would you?”
Lance sat pensively for a moment before he nodded slowly. “Yeah. Yeah I’d like to think I would.”
“Me too.”
Lance raised an eyebrow but didn’t press further. “Hey Jace... Would you? Be able to tell if I was angry, I mean.”
“Yeah.”
“Confident are we?”
JC gave Lance a half, almost sad smile. “Yeah, very.”
“Okaaaaayyy…” Lance drawled, wondering at JC’s strange behavior. Yeah, the guy had been pretty withdrawn lately, but this kind of manner was still weird. Really weird. “Um… well, would you be able to tell if I was keeping a secret from you?”
“I think so. I don’t know.” JC frowned thoughtfully and chewed on his lip. “Would you be able to tell that about me?”
Lance shook his head honestly. “I really don’t think so.”
“Why not?”
“You’ve just… grown really detached lately, JC. And you never show your feelings anymore. I just… you’ve grown up, I guess. Changed from the nineteen-year-old I first met, the one that couldn’t keep anything to himself. You’ve changed from that to, well, a completely different person. Someone who doesn’t show how he feels inside. It’s really hard to read you now, or know what you’re thinking.”
JC nodded, “I know. I know I’ve become… different.” God, I wish I could tell you why, Lance. I wish I could so bad.
“Wanna talk about it?”
JC shook his head, “There really isn’t anything to say. Fame took its toll on me, I guess. Just really exhausted from everything, really.”
“Ever since you came out to us…” Lance shook his head. “Are you keeping something from me, Jace? We’re best friends, and I really want to help you out. You can tell me anything. You being gay didn’t change that.”
JC nodded, forcing a smile. “I know. I know. Just…” JC let his voice trail off and hoped Lance would understand. He did.
“Would you… be able to tell if I was in love?” JC asked softly, finally breaking the silence.
Lance grinned widely. “Whoa C, who’s the lucky guy?”
JC shook his head. “Not that I’m in love… I was just… asking.”
Lance cocked his head thoughtfully for a second, “Yeah. I think so. What about you? Would you be able to tell?”
“Um… I don’t… think so.” JC smiled apologetically. “Unless… you know… you were so happy it showed.”
“I probably will be,” Lance affirmed. “I mean, love is supposed to make you happy, right?”
There was a silence as JC pondered his answer carefully. “I… I guess. If you, you know, were in love with the right person.”
“How can you NOT be in love with the right person?” Lance wondered aloud. “If you were, then it would probably be lust or infatuation. Right?”
JC smiled bitterly, replying almost rancorously. “No, Lance. That’s why we have that thing called heartache.”
Lance chewed on his bottom lip, eyebrows furrowed. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He sighed, “Jace, are you SURE you’re not keeping something from me? I mean, I know you’ve changed… become really reserved and all… but this… this is plain strange. You’re just…”
JC licked his lips nervously. “You know what?” he said softly, at last. “I do have some stuff I wanna talk about. But, you know, I think you have a few secrets of your own.”
“I…” Lance rubbed his hands over his eyes. “All right, I’ll spill if you spill.”
“What? Is this some kind of ‘guess when I have a secret and I’ll tell you’?” JC was only half-joking. “I thought we were best friends?!”
“We are!” That sounded almost like a plea. “It’s just… I didn’t know how to tell you and…well, I don’t want to tell the other guys just yet but YOU’LL understand, JC. I know you will.”
“Okay, okay!” JC lifted his hands in mock surrender, wondering why his best friend was so worked up. “Tell me…”
“I… see… well…”
The room was silent for a time, and JC didn’t push, didn’t probe, simply waited patiently till the younger blond found his voice, his courage, and decided to speak again.
“IkindarealizedthatIwasgay.”
“Say what?” JC’s eyes widened. “I thought I heard you say that you realized you were gay.”
“You didn’t… hear wrong,” Lance informed him, before cracking a weak grin. “Hey, you rhymed!”
“Huh? What? Oh. OH!” JC shook his head as the little tidbit finally sunk in. “Wow, Lance!” He breathed. “And all this time… you didn’t tell us?”
“Huh? Hold up. ALL this time?”
“Yeah.” JC blushed, “I kinda noticed you were looking at other men in the clubs we went to. So I pretty much knew your secret. But… why did you wait so long?”
Lance shrugged nonchalantly. “I was trying to come to terms with it, I guess.”
JC nodded and the two lapsed back into silence.
“Hey Lance?”
“Yeah?”
“Have you… you know… MET anyone?”
Lance shook his head solemnly, “The group comes first Jace. I’d have to give up a lot of time to be with anyone I hooked up with. And I’m not willing to give that up yet.” JC’s spirits fell as Lance continued, “Besides, none of them seem to be what I’m looking for, you know?”
“Yeah,” JC murmured, “Yeah, I know.”
“And you, Mr. Chasez?”
“Huh?”
Lance rolled his eyes playfully. “A little slow, are we? I mean, have YOU found Mr. Right yet?”
“Nah. Not looking. I’ve given up on looking anymore. I think he might just come running to my arms one day.”
Lance chuckled, “Good work with the fantasy.”
“Hey, you never know.”
JC’s voice was husky and Lance looked up in surprise, meaning to ask what JC meant. What Lance DIDN’T expect was to feel JC’s lips on his. It felt… different and yet familiar somehow, as if he’d been wanting it all along. Lance felt JC shaking as he returned the kiss, and wrapped his arms around the older man’s waist.
JC pulled away, breathless, staring into Lance’s green eyes. “Um. You don’t… have to do this… if you don’t want to.”
Lance pondered JC’s words before pulling him close again. “Would you be able to tell if I wanted you?”
JC’s heartbeat accelerated at Lance’s words, the younger man’s breath hot on his neck, and he almost lost all coherent thoughts. “I…” he looked into Lance’s eyes and found what he had been looking for for so long. “Yes. I think I would,” he replied softly, planting another chaste kiss on Lance’s pink lips.
“What took you so long?” Lance asked, finally.
“I was trying to come to terms with it, I guess.” JC mimicked Lance.
Lance just smiled. “Fine. Whatever.”
JC snuggled closer to Lance on the couch they were now both sharing, a smile on his face. He kissed his younger bandmate and Lance looked up into those beautiful cerulean eyes. “You know I’m not doing this out of pity or anything, right?”
“Yeah,” JC replied. “I know.”
“Good.” Lance reached up to run his fingers through JC’s hair. JC leaned into Lance’s touch, eyes closed. “I can tell you’re wondering if you love me.” Lance murmured.
“I can tell you’re thinking you’re right.”
“You’re thinking I’m right too.”
“I know.”
-fin-
