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amfiguree[Pre-slash] [American Idol] [David Archuleta/David Cook] [PG]
This is the result of one too many episodes of Ellen, and an unhealthy amount of love for David Archuleta's obsession with keeping his clothes on. Cookleta, if you squint (really hard).
4 Times Ellen Got David to Take His Shirt Off, and 1 Time She Couldn't
i. Birthday Presents
Halfway through the show, Jen signals for Ellen to pick up the phone. Surprise phone call, she mouths. Ellen's mouth twitches, a little; after the first two years of celebrating her birthday on air, nothing surprises her anymore.
"Hi, who is this?"
"Hey Ellen, it's David--"
"Which one?" Ellen interrupts. She grins when David laughs, a little.
"David Archuleta," David says. "I just - I know it's your birthday today, so I wanted to call and, like, wish you, um, a really great year ahead and stuff."
"Thank you so much, David."
"You're welcome!" David says. "I just wish I knew what to get for you, because I know there's so much stuff already, and, like, everyone loves you and sends you things, so--"
Ellen laughs too. "People are really sweet. And - you know what," she says, a little louder, over the audience. "You know what, David? I've gotten a lot of presents today, from a lot of people--"
"I know!" David says. "And I wanted to do something for you, too, because you're one of my favourite people--"
"You are such a sweetheart," Ellen says.
David laughs. "Thanks. Um, so anyway, I thought I'd - I don't know, I guess this phone call is kind of lame. But I wanted to say happy birthday in person!"
"Thank you, David," Ellen says. "That's really - but I was saying, I've gotten a lot of presents, so I think I should do something back for everyone now, you know? Like karma. So I think you should, as a birthday present, I think you should take your shirt off and dance for me."
David pauses. Then, "Um," he says.
"I think all of America would like to hear you take your shirt off, David."
The audience is cheering so loudly Ellen almost misses David's reply. "Aww, no!"
"Are you at home?" Ellen asks.
"Um, I'm at C--a friend's apartment," David says, cautiously.
"That's great, that's perfect! Go grab your friend, and you can both take off your shirts and do a little dance."
David laughs, awkwardly, but then there's a little commotion in the background, and Ellen faintly hears someone say, do it, Archie, and then David, muffled, says, oh my gosh, no. Wait. Stop! Cook!
There's another pause, and then a little scuffle.
Ellen grins. "Is it off yet?"
ii. The Dunk Tank
"Oh my gosh!" David splutters, when he comes up for air.
Ellen raps on the glass, grinning. "How're you doing, David?"
"It's really cold!" he laughs.
"Yeah, that's what - I told them to do that, before the show. Blocks of ice, I told them."
David laughs again as he reaches for the side of the dunk tank. His teeth are chattering.
Ellen knocks on the glass again, just long enough to get his attention. "I'm thinking you should take that shirt off."
iii. Rumors
"You know, I was at the grocery store the other day," Ellen says. The audience laughs, like they've already heard the punchline.
"I love grocery shopping," David adds.
"Me too," Ellen says. "I love having lunch there. You know, when you walk past the samplers, they never look up, they just hand another one to you. I - three blocks of cheese is plenty, let me tell you."
David laughs.
"This is how I get my daily protein intake," Ellen says. "But okay, so I was at the grocery store, and the cashier - she was so young, I think you could date her--"
"Oh my gosh," David says.
"Yeah, so I said to her, 'Wow, Cheryl,' because that's what her nametag said, 'Wow, Cheryl, you're young enough to be dating David Archuleta'."
David cracks up as he presses his face into his hands.
"I know, right?" Ellen says, but the edges of her mouth are tugging up. "And you know what she says to me?"
"No?" David asks, voice muffled in his palms.
"She said she couldn't date you, because you have a tattoo."
David's head rushes up. "A what?" he demands. His eyes are wide. "Oh my gosh, no! Why would she - where did she hear that?"
"I don't know," Ellen says, shaking her head. "And I told her, you know, I said, I know David Archuleta, and he's so sweet, and so talented, I don't believe your tattoo story. But she swore up and down, she said, everyone else knows, he got one on his chest, so--"
David looks torn between horror and disbelief. "I don't--"
"I mean, I believe you," Ellen adds, nodding. "I really do. But this Cheryl girl, I don't know."
"Um," David says weakly. He looks around at the clapping audience kind of helplessly. "I really don't know why--"
"Let's do a check," Ellen says. "A real quick one, just to make sure. For Cheryl's peace of mind."
iv. Bribery
"If you take your shirt off," Ellen says, "I'll get all the idols to come on the show for that reunion Fox is always--oh my goodness. David, I was just -- oh. Okay, you can just put your vest - yeah. My goodness. I did not see that coming. Wow."
v. Backup
"So, David--"
"Oh," David says, with a quick look at Cook. "Which one?"
Cook grins, rolling his eyes fondly at the back of David's head.
"Both of you," Ellen corrects. "You're going on tour together, is that right?"
"Yes, ma'am," Cook says.
Ellen nods. "And to get us to go, you're going to give everyone in the audience a pair of tickets--" the crowd goes wild, "And David Archuleta is going to take his shirt off--" and then goes up a couple of decibels to deafening.
David puts his head in his hands, and Cook cracks up. It takes a minute for the noise to settle.
"The tickets we can do," Cook says, still grinning as he puts a firm, warm hand on David's back, and David looks up hopefully. "But Archie taking his shirt off? That's the highlight of our show. If we give it away, no one's going to come out for the tour."
"Sounds like a great show," Ellen says.
David drops his head back in his hands with a groan.
This is the result of one too many episodes of Ellen, and an unhealthy amount of love for David Archuleta's obsession with keeping his clothes on. Cookleta, if you squint (really hard).
4 Times Ellen Got David to Take His Shirt Off, and 1 Time She Couldn't
i. Birthday Presents
Halfway through the show, Jen signals for Ellen to pick up the phone. Surprise phone call, she mouths. Ellen's mouth twitches, a little; after the first two years of celebrating her birthday on air, nothing surprises her anymore.
"Hi, who is this?"
"Hey Ellen, it's David--"
"Which one?" Ellen interrupts. She grins when David laughs, a little.
"David Archuleta," David says. "I just - I know it's your birthday today, so I wanted to call and, like, wish you, um, a really great year ahead and stuff."
"Thank you so much, David."
"You're welcome!" David says. "I just wish I knew what to get for you, because I know there's so much stuff already, and, like, everyone loves you and sends you things, so--"
Ellen laughs too. "People are really sweet. And - you know what," she says, a little louder, over the audience. "You know what, David? I've gotten a lot of presents today, from a lot of people--"
"I know!" David says. "And I wanted to do something for you, too, because you're one of my favourite people--"
"You are such a sweetheart," Ellen says.
David laughs. "Thanks. Um, so anyway, I thought I'd - I don't know, I guess this phone call is kind of lame. But I wanted to say happy birthday in person!"
"Thank you, David," Ellen says. "That's really - but I was saying, I've gotten a lot of presents, so I think I should do something back for everyone now, you know? Like karma. So I think you should, as a birthday present, I think you should take your shirt off and dance for me."
David pauses. Then, "Um," he says.
"I think all of America would like to hear you take your shirt off, David."
The audience is cheering so loudly Ellen almost misses David's reply. "Aww, no!"
"Are you at home?" Ellen asks.
"Um, I'm at C--a friend's apartment," David says, cautiously.
"That's great, that's perfect! Go grab your friend, and you can both take off your shirts and do a little dance."
David laughs, awkwardly, but then there's a little commotion in the background, and Ellen faintly hears someone say, do it, Archie, and then David, muffled, says, oh my gosh, no. Wait. Stop! Cook!
There's another pause, and then a little scuffle.
Ellen grins. "Is it off yet?"
ii. The Dunk Tank
"Oh my gosh!" David splutters, when he comes up for air.
Ellen raps on the glass, grinning. "How're you doing, David?"
"It's really cold!" he laughs.
"Yeah, that's what - I told them to do that, before the show. Blocks of ice, I told them."
David laughs again as he reaches for the side of the dunk tank. His teeth are chattering.
Ellen knocks on the glass again, just long enough to get his attention. "I'm thinking you should take that shirt off."
iii. Rumors
"You know, I was at the grocery store the other day," Ellen says. The audience laughs, like they've already heard the punchline.
"I love grocery shopping," David adds.
"Me too," Ellen says. "I love having lunch there. You know, when you walk past the samplers, they never look up, they just hand another one to you. I - three blocks of cheese is plenty, let me tell you."
David laughs.
"This is how I get my daily protein intake," Ellen says. "But okay, so I was at the grocery store, and the cashier - she was so young, I think you could date her--"
"Oh my gosh," David says.
"Yeah, so I said to her, 'Wow, Cheryl,' because that's what her nametag said, 'Wow, Cheryl, you're young enough to be dating David Archuleta'."
David cracks up as he presses his face into his hands.
"I know, right?" Ellen says, but the edges of her mouth are tugging up. "And you know what she says to me?"
"No?" David asks, voice muffled in his palms.
"She said she couldn't date you, because you have a tattoo."
David's head rushes up. "A what?" he demands. His eyes are wide. "Oh my gosh, no! Why would she - where did she hear that?"
"I don't know," Ellen says, shaking her head. "And I told her, you know, I said, I know David Archuleta, and he's so sweet, and so talented, I don't believe your tattoo story. But she swore up and down, she said, everyone else knows, he got one on his chest, so--"
David looks torn between horror and disbelief. "I don't--"
"I mean, I believe you," Ellen adds, nodding. "I really do. But this Cheryl girl, I don't know."
"Um," David says weakly. He looks around at the clapping audience kind of helplessly. "I really don't know why--"
"Let's do a check," Ellen says. "A real quick one, just to make sure. For Cheryl's peace of mind."
iv. Bribery
"If you take your shirt off," Ellen says, "I'll get all the idols to come on the show for that reunion Fox is always--oh my goodness. David, I was just -- oh. Okay, you can just put your vest - yeah. My goodness. I did not see that coming. Wow."
v. Backup
"So, David--"
"Oh," David says, with a quick look at Cook. "Which one?"
Cook grins, rolling his eyes fondly at the back of David's head.
"Both of you," Ellen corrects. "You're going on tour together, is that right?"
"Yes, ma'am," Cook says.
Ellen nods. "And to get us to go, you're going to give everyone in the audience a pair of tickets--" the crowd goes wild, "And David Archuleta is going to take his shirt off--" and then goes up a couple of decibels to deafening.
David puts his head in his hands, and Cook cracks up. It takes a minute for the noise to settle.
"The tickets we can do," Cook says, still grinning as he puts a firm, warm hand on David's back, and David looks up hopefully. "But Archie taking his shirt off? That's the highlight of our show. If we give it away, no one's going to come out for the tour."
"Sounds like a great show," Ellen says.
David drops his head back in his hands with a groan.
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Date: 2009-04-16 02:11 pm (UTC)heeee! okay, that is one of the BIGGEST reasons i love meg, her crazy scary talent aside. and i don't even care that that's weird because i only really started talking to her, like, 2 days ago, but she's AMAZINGLY FANTASTICAL AND HER SQUEE, DSLKJADFSHFD. she just makes me SO HAPPY. and i'm glad we spread the happy! :D if only a little bit!
BAHAHAHA. oh, man, you and me, totally in the same update boat. le sigh. (AND YES YOU ARE TOTALLY RIGHT, A THOUSAND BROWNIE POINTS FOR YOU!!)
(also, age-wise, i assumed we were in the same bracket because of your comment about homework! i am 20! going on, um, 8. idk how you're going to put up with me, rofl.)
and apparently i have a name complex. like, if i know your name? all i ever want to do all day is call you by it. idk. it's weird. people keep telling me that. and it is also awesome when your friends have names that drag on forever (case in point: meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeg. priiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii.) ♥
but now i must sadly tell you that i do not know vam! or hockey! or b/a! although HEY, H/D I RECOGNIZE. though i am more a H/R person myself. and while i am not into jobros I DEFINITELY KNOW WHO THEY ARE, SCORE. and i am with you on the incest! SO! :D :D :D
ALSO I AM KIND OF EMBARRASSED THAT YOU ARE READING THE PORNSTAR STORY NOW. LOL. IDK. oh, popslash. <3
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Date: 2009-04-16 02:42 pm (UTC)Haha. No biggie, man. On Vam--my main fandom--I'm totally loved the way you love the girls on here. We squee all over each other and I think I'm actually married to a few of them. XD. See, the thing is, Ville (Half of Vam, again) is kind of European? And stuff. So he uses "sweetheart, love, baby, darling" and all all the time. And it rubs off. So those are constant staples in comments and replies, and it translates to "Vam is one big love orgy." People I know for less than an hour suddenly become my soul sisters. And that's what we are in Fandom! A bunch of soulmates who see something the world obviously SHOULD! O.O
Oh yes. I actually had to get a little growly with the chick stalking my posts. She was like, mocking my subjects. "Bored right now? Why not write hockey fic!" She was stretching titles for her purposes and creeping me out, so I told her to hush. I'm in college, first year ever, and six hours away from home. I got enough going on without people poking me for updates. And I don't even have a TV! How can you watch HOCKEY without a TV? And inspiration, without watching hockey? Whattttt? But she doesn't get it.
(SQUEEEEE! A THOUSAND! That's AWESOME! Maybe I'll start commenting with my fifty-year-old wisdom some more and rack up more points. :D)
(Lol. We're close. Except I'm a freshman and you're a...junior? Right? So you're a little more versed in this "I'm going to stay up till four and go to sleep for like, five hours in the evening" thing. Plus, I RP at night with my fave Vammer, so I'm never able to sleep all the way through the night. I spend at least five hours playing. So my sleep schedule is the wackiest thing you've ever seen. It looks like the schedule for a vampire or something. "10PM-5AM: RP 5AM-12PM: AVOID HW FOR FANDOM and 12PM-4PM: ACTUALLY DO HW, then 4PM-530PM: CLASS and 545PM-10PM: Sleep. Rinse and repeat. Eating and showering fit in there somewhere too. XD)
Lol. My name is Andrea, btw. You can call me Rea or something. Most people online call me either Andrea or Slasher ('cause of the LJnic). But I've always wanted somebody to call me Rea because my mom named me to call me that and then NEVER did. Not once. Not even accidentally, up till she died. It's crazy.
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Date: 2009-04-16 02:42 pm (UTC)And Hockey. As in, the sport? I'm born and raised on hockey, and the boys. OH GOD the touching. And the celebrating. And the fighting--mmm. Fighting. It gets a whole lotta gay, and I love it. If not for my lack of TV and thus GAMES, I'd still be writing it at least once a month.
H/D is my OTP. I always return to them, reread fics and re-visit art, and re-fall in love with the pairing. At first, I didn't like it, because EW. Boy on boyyy. And enemies! And I totally thought Draco was crazeeeeeeh and not that cute. But I read My Fire My Love by RainShadow as my first fic, and then Fire and Ice by Just Silver, and then pretty much EVERYTHING IN THE HISTORY OF EVER! by Jennavere, and it all escalated from there. Never gone to anything else. And I know it's weird 'cause I love JoBroscest, but Harry/Ron just squicks me. It's weeeeeird. And Ron and Mione were mtb. For serious. (But I'm not arguing. Just explaining my reasoning. And if you get the chance, DEFINITELY check out Jennavere. She might change your mind yet about H/D.)
Lol. WTG! You're on the Earth! JoBros have taken over the planet, for real. And I'm not even usually into mainstream, but there's something ABOUT them. Like, how they can boy!touch and nobody even notices it's all sexy. Or how their music actually has some serious awesomeness to it (BEFORE it's played all of a billion times on the radio and loses appeal. Thank fuck I don't listen to the radio). And Nick and Joe are totally digging on each other. I know it. CANON!
B/A is difficult, I'll give you that one though. It's hard to know that if you don't know EXACTLY who I'm talking about. I give you clue. Vampire Slayer/Vampire. SEXIEST VAMPIRE ON EARTH! (DNW EDWARDDDD) And possibly sexiest actor, just 'cause he PLAYED the vamp so well. :) But seriously, together those two are dynamite and the angst is addictive. And it's REALLY canon. 'Cause they were even together in the show!
XD. I totally forgot to read the rest of it 'cause I keep replying to you. You're fun to talk to, and my eyes are all DTSDHLJFIHLJVFHFLJFJFLHJUGFK at this early in the morning. XD. Homework will be fun.
(I had to do two 'cause yeah, um. It was too long. XD)
no subject
Date: 2009-04-18 06:08 am (UTC)your stalker chick sounds borderline deranged, ack. i hope you managed to shake her off. i am happy to report i have had no such problems - although since i am open to stalking and happily encourage it, that maybe scares off most of the crazies. ;D (50-YEAR-OLD WISDOM FTMFW)
also, ha, i am actually just concluding my freshman year of college. or i will be, once my last final is done next friday. i actually took a detour and went to... i guess where you are the equivalent would be vocational school? and it's a three year course here versus the usual two-year junior college thing most people take, so i'm a little behind! although your schedule sounds RIDICULOUSLY FAMILIAR, ngl. i rp with this fantastical lady in popslash, miss
and i'm sorry about your mom. *snugs* but now you know at least one person across the globe refers to you as rea? bahaha.
ALSO YOUR ENTHUSIASM ABOUT YOUR OTPS = <3333333333333333333 i... am still completely clueless about bam and jackass etc etc (probably because i wasn't exactly raised on american pop culture - FAIL, PARENTS, FAIL.) but it sounds fun! and sports isn't a big thing here, either - the only thing i really watch on occasion is tennis (for my bb, nadal), formula 1 and sometimes diving and swimming. IT SUCKS TO BE WITHOUT TV, THOUGH.
hee. your h/d thing sounds like my popslash thing. first loves ftw. and i have nothing against h/d! i just don't get it. sort of like you and harry/ron? i've read some awesome h/d fic and at the end i'm still all 'i think i'd like this better if i just find+replace all the dracos with rons'. lol. then again i've kind of fallen out of hp altogether what with the last two books in the series being pretty sub-par.
BAHAHAHAHAHA AND DO NOT EVEN TALK ABOUT MAINSTREAM. sigh. i come from popslash, i know all about that. oh, boybands. but idk. even the incest is somehow not calling my name and dragging me in. which is sad because we could all use with new fandoms.
heeeeee! oh man, buffy, another fandom i never really got into. ALTHOUGH I THINK BUFFY/ANGEL ARE MFEO OKAY, and i was totally sad once i heard angel was carted off to start his own show or whatever. /o\ i'm just not a sci-fi person in general - as proven a while ago by a friend trying to get me to start watching x-files and me just... not being able to get into it. but i've always only heard great things.
I HOPE HOMEWORK WENT OKAY, BTW. lol.
no subject
Date: 2010-11-08 08:19 am (UTC)Vam is completely awesomesauce. Less now than it was then, but STILL COMPLETELY AWESOMESAUCE. We haven't chatted in a while, and I'm actually the mod now, which GO ME, but blessing and a curse, right?
Lmao, I'm usually open to stalking -- I actually met my RP partner and current best friend, in addition to a billion other people that way -- but I hate mean stalking. The "You don't deserve to have a life outside of fandom (/fandom other than ours)" stalking. It irritates me.
Yes, the equivalent is probably vocational school. Never been there personally, but I think I know what you mean. LMAO. IS IT NOT?! RP sucks in your life and it's like "NO NOT GIVING IT BACK NO!" Haha! BUT WE LOVE UNNECESSARY FILLER HISTORY IN CONVERSATION, Y/Y?
*snuggles forever* Yessss. Refer to me as Rea! ^^
HAHAHA. AS IF I COULD POSSIBLY EVEN AVOID IT EVER. I am in love with fandom and it loves me back and it's a better friend than people sometimes, right?
WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT WAIT. You don't know Jackass? GO WATCH RIGHT NOW. YOU WILL LAUGH HYSTERICALLY (I hope). It is fun! And then VLB (Viva La Bam), watch that too! And I guarantee you if you saw Ville, you would completely LOVE HIM FOREVER. He's got Cook-vocabulary, looks, and Cook voice with ACCENT. You would. LOVE. HIM. (Just in case you ever want to add another fandom to your life, haha.)
As for sports, yeah, eventually I drifted away from them too. I just don't think I'm meant to be a sports freak. And the whole American controversy about WHO IS FUCKING THIS SPORTS GUY? OH SHIT THEY NOW HAVE A BOOK OUT. kind of turns me off.
First loves ftmfw, of course.
Because always, I never ever ever leave H/D for too long. I get urges (like the one I had recently, to read Draco as a Vampire and Harry as his prey) and just read, read, read and remember all over again why I LOVE THEIR LOVE SO MUCH. Lmao. I know EXACTLY how that goes. I feel that way when I read any het, like the Draco Trilogy? (If you've not...do. Read it. You should. Even if it's het, bleh.)
Two books? As in, like, OotP? HBP? Hmm, them might be fighting words. :P
LMAO. BUT I LOVE THAT MAINSTREAM. I AM A HUUUUUGE BOYBAND SUPPORTER, FROM INFANCY I SAY. Oh, yeah, lol, I even drifted away from that for a while. But a Joick story never goes astray, man.
THEY ARE MFEO. I CRY EVERY TIME HE LEAVES. EVERY. TIME. Though Angel is a great show (which is on 6/7 EST on TNT, if you ever wanna...watch it). I understand what you mean though. I never really got into sci-fi anywhere else. Just the B/A. And the Willow/Oz and Wesley/Fred...but that's the same franchise, lol. :P
IT WENT FINE. I think. idr for sure. BUT I THINK IT DID, and either way it was SO worth it to talk to you! ♥